I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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