Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
