Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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