Don't you send me to vm
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
