Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
