My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
