I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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