I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
