we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
