I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
