dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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