She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
