i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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