just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Who died my cat blue again?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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