It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
