if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
