OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
