I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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