i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
