I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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