Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
