Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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