I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
True strength comes from lack of pants
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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