I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
