its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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