dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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