Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
