I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
