I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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