I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
