Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
