you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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