you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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