Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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