Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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