I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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