There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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