You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
