Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
