The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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