I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
