I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
