maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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