Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
