i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
