Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She told me I should be a condom model.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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