if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
