please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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