why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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