apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
