i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
